Category

Singleness

Hi sisters,

Oh how I’ve been waiting and praying for this moment when I could finally share with you this piece of my life with you. I get so many questions about singleness and I thought I would finally open up about some of the lessons I’ve learned as a single Christian woman. The first stop I want to make is about the time I thought this guy was my husband. Yep, we’re going there. I really believe this blog will help shed some light on an area that maybe we don’t talk about much. So, grab some tea or coffee as we talk about the time I thought my ex was the one and how I healed when I realized he was NOT. No seriously, this post is kind of long so grab a snack lol. 

Here’s a little backstory: About two years ago, I was just getting out of relationship with a guy I thought I was going to marry. We were in a pretty serious courtship and I just KNEW he was the one. I was finally at a place of surrender to God (or so I thought) and I met this Christian guy on social media who lived near by at the time. It was so cool to finally have someone I could read the Bible with, pray with and just have fun with! I was literally obsessed with him. I watched him as he watched his games on TV (I’m that girlfriend & will be THAT wife lol) and I totally thought we were on the same page. Things took a turn in our relationship when we started talking about planning the wedding. We decided to start planning the wedding before the ring because we both knew we were serious about each other. Now sisters, let save you the trouble and encourage you to NOT plan the wedding if you are not engaged yet. (OF COURSE if the Spirit of GOD is leading you to, then do it but use discernment and know who’s voice you’re listening to.) This is very important. This will keep you from heartbreak, disappointment, feeling rejected in the case that you guys break up. 

 

Now, you might be thinking, well if everything was going well, what happened? Why’d y’all break up?!  We broke up because God broke us up. We broke up because neither him or I were whole, healed and at a place where we could truly love, serve and honor one another. While I don’t believe you have to be perfect in order to be courting or married, I do believe that you should definitely be at a place of wholeness, contentment and spiritually mature in order to truly thrive in a Gospel-centerd relationship.

 

Without going into too many details, I believe we lacked all three of those things. I know for me, I wasn’t healed from my past. Anything that reminded me of my past relationships, led into accusations and tough arguments between me and him. The problem was I clung to that relationship to fill a God-sized void; only to be quickly disappointed when I realized he couldn’t provide me with that. 

 

Not only was I not healed, but he was not at a place where he could lead me–especially in the area of purity. To be completely honest, there were boundaries within our relationship that were crossed sexually. WE DID NOT HAVE SEX. However, due to our lack of accountability and the standard not being kept, we definitely crossed boundaries. We crossed paths I knew were wrong, like kissing, cuddling – things that I’ve always wanted to do with my one day husband. I will say that we BOTH did not honor each other in this. Each time it happened, I felt myself straying further and further away from God. At the same time, I felt so ashamed to even go to God about this relationship. I just knew deep down inside something wasn’t right, but because of the shame, I locked myself into the shell of isolation and tried to work things out on my own. Big mistake. It would be absolutely outrageous to say he alone was the problem, this blog isn’t to bash him AT ALL. But I do believe that men are called to protect and in this particular relationship I don’t believe I was being protected. I didn’t have peace about his leadership in our relationship, in fact it always seemed he was leading us down that wrong path more than he was the right one. It wasn’t always like this, in fact, things were great in the beginning but slowly but surely our relationship started to reflect the world. 

 

Again, there’s SO many other details that I wouldn’t dare put in this blog, but again I lacked total peace in that relationship and knew God had more for me. To say I was disappointed that this relationship ended would be an understatement. In my lack of understanding, I felt unseen by God in the area of marriage. “I’m never going to get married!” is what I would think. I also felt embarrassment and shame due to crossing boundaries with him so I dealt with guilt for a LONG TIME. But what hurt the most was surrendering to Jesus. Sometimes surrender doesn’t feel good, especially when letting go of something you treasure so much. For me, I needed to be whole and the first stop was surrendering my desire for marriage and to grow in my singleness. But in my surrender, I found wholeness, healing and God’s heart for me. Which leads me to the purpose of this blog…

 

My heart for this post was to encourage those women who have been disappointed from a failed relationship. Maybe you thought someone was the one and they hurt or maybe like me you just lacked peace in a relationship and you had to end it out of obedience. However you got to this place, I wanted to show you that you’re not alone. I know that often times we can feel hopeless when we get into these types of situations, but know that God is faithful. He’s greater than you’re heartbreak, the rejection you might feel and the hopelessness you might find yourself sinking in. 

 

Here are three things I would invite you to dig your heels into. I believe if you’re in that place of getting over an ex, these three points will lead you to the solution who is Jesus Christ and produce a faith in you that’s unstoppable 

  1. Heal – I believe the hardest thing to do is to surrender our pain to the Lord and heal. Brokenness can often times make you feel like you have to hide it all inside, but that’s simply not true. Your brokenness is welcome in the arms of a Savior who went to the cross over 2,000 years ago. Healing is the BEST thing you can do for yourself after a breakup. Because when you heal, you are able to see yourself the way God sees you. Healing produces a greater awareness of who you are and who HE is to you. Not only that, but healing allows you to release things that you might have received in your past (soul ties, strongholds, etc.) so that you don’t bring it into a new relationship. For me, healing was the very thing that allowed me to go deeper into my walk with Jesus. I stepped into a new realm of wholeness that placed me on a mountain top of freedom. Let Jesus heal every part of your heart and don’t skip this step because it’s a little uncomfortable. Healing just requires your yes and it doesn’t mean you’re a “special case” just because you decided to heal. If anything healing means you’re brave and care about your joy, peace, purpose and you’re ready to move forward. Thrive in your healing and let nothing stop you. 
  2. Rest In His PERFECT timing- Yes, you beautiful….rest. Rest in God’s timing, rest in His provision, rest in His love FOR YOU. His timing and His provision is PERFECT. I think that after believing someone is “the one” you begin to believe that NO ONE will ever be for you and that’s NOT the truth. During my time of healing, God showed me how He can do ANYTHING including send a God-fearing man into my life. So, I decide to trust His timing every single day and honestly now I’m seriously not stressing about it. I am 26-years old and loving my life. 🙂 God already knew about your desire for marriage before you did. It’s not a surprise to Him. He even knows that it was heartbreaking for you to go through that breakup. BUT He also doesn’t want you to go through that AGAIN. He doesn’t want you to get hurt AGAIN. He doesn’t want you to be confused about who you’re supposed to be with EVER AGAIN. Now that you know that, rest in knowing that He has your whole world in His hands and He cares about this specific area of your life. He cares SO MUCH that He won’t let you be with just anybody and He also won’t let you be with someone when it’s not the right time. There’s things that God wants you to do in this season and if you’re not married then there’s a REASON for that. God chose you to be single for this moment in your life because He knew you’d need to be fully devoted to the work He’s given you. Not only that, but He’s preparing you and him to one day be together in marriage. Sister, you have so much time to spend time with our Father, heal, walk in purpose, travel and whatever else you desire to do. When that time comes for you to get married, you’ll be glad you used this time well. Girl, use this time wisely, be brave and walk in your single season with confidence in HIS perfect timing.  

3) Know Your Worth – I think the biggest thing that happens from a failed relationship is that it can rock your identity and confidence. Maybe not for everyone, but for many of us, a failed relationship = unloved, unseen, failure and I’m not enough- all labels that God doesn’t want you carrying around. Sister, you are loved, seen, and totally enough despite what has happened in the past. Be reminded that no matter how you feel, your identity is still in Christ. Be reminded that no matter who has yet to see your beauty and qualities, that you matter and you do count. My biggest prayer for you is that you’d understand that no man can ever define…even your one day husband. Say this with me: I AM A CHILD! In fact, say it as many times as you need to so that you can receive that you are a child of God. You are a daughter of a God who speaks and mountains move. The One who created the sun, moon and starts and watches over BILLIONS of humans on Earth. The One who chose YOU to carry His name into the Earth. He decided to die for you, He decided to give you this new life in Him. He gave up His life so that you’d have one. Because of Jesus, you are so worth having a man pursue you. Don’t devalue yourself just because you don’t see God’s provision yet. DO NOT SETTLE. DO NOT SETTLE. DO NOT SETTLE. He will be faithful to His word if we faint not!

Ultimately, dealing with heartbreak is not fun and I get it. But your life, dreams and desires aren’t over just because of this one failed relationship. Learn the lessons you need to learn from it, heal and move forward. Jesus took my brokenness and helped me see that though I didn’t get it right that time; doesn’t mean it’ll be like that next time. In fact, God is still on the throne and through Him, He can lead us to fulfill those desires in our heart in HIS timing. Jesus is the One our hearts should be longing for. He fills every void, and every insecurity we might have. Although marriage is a real desire even I have, it’s not the finish line in this Christian journey. You didn’t miss God because of this one relationship, He has GOOD plans for you. Never forget that. Jesus has amazing plans for you; right there in your season of singleness. Thrive in it, keep trusting in the Lord and live it out boldly.

 

Always here to have convo, leave your thoughts down below! 

 

With love, 

 

Jasmine Morris 

 

I’m so thankful for my season of single season, granted it hasn’t been perfect but it’s been full of joy, healing and hope. By the way, I’m going to share a video below of an amazing video that truly blessed me recently by Jamie Grace – after you read this, I think you should listen if you have a moment. 

I’m learning so much about myself in this season that I see now I wouldn’t have been able to see if I was with someone. 

And before I go any further, yes, I desire marriage. This blog isn’t to diss marriage or anything like that, each season carries its own beauty. Marriage is a gift, but so is singleness. We can see that here in scripture [1 Corinthians‬ ‭7:34‬ ‭NLT‬‬] 

Jeremiah 29:11 says, for I know the plans I have for you. These plans are not just for our lives later in life, but even right now where God has placed us currently. 

I purposely named this blog single and grateful because there’s so many things that I am so incredibly grateful for in my singleness and I thought I would share some of those to maybe encourage you too. 

The first thing that I’m so grateful for is the healing that is taking place in this season. I’ve learned that HEALING is HUGE in your singleness…it doesn’t end at marriage but it definitely should begin in singleness. God is like a doctor and sometimes we think wounds aren’t that bad, until there’s someone there to care for us and give a second look. Then, as He peels back the layers He see so much. And if you’re anything like me, it took me being hurt for me to see how I desperately need the love of God fully in my life. I did know that Jesus could heal me from every past hurt, breakup and rejection. I didn’t know His love alone could heal me. But boy, did I find so much healing from my past right there in His presence. His love alone set this captive free. God opened up wounds and poured in His healing power so I could live whole. I am not perfect, but I’m thankful for His grace. 

In our limited understanding, I think that we’ve picked up this mindset that we have to forever live crippled and in chains forever or until we get married. Maybe your family never got set free from their pasts and you picked up on their ways. I want you to know that God doesn’t want you to keep you that way. He wants you free and completely whole in Him. You were God child long before you were ever your parents. And God knows the very best for you. Take heed to the process He has you on, it could break chains in not only your life but your family’s life as well. He will take your ashes and trade them in for joy. He will give you a new life and as the scripture says, He makes all things new. []I never knew that I needed healing until I got alone with Him and it was the best decision I ever made. It changed everything for me. I was able and am still able to release the negative thinking that I picked up from ex’s in the past. There are wounds and scars that we all carry and though they may not always be visible to us, God sees them and desires to heal them. He loves us and doesn’t want us to love or live burdened, but healed, set free and delivered. 

The second reason I’m thankful for my single season is because I’m finding out who I truly am.

I’ll be honest, I probably wouldn’t have ever moved from Alabama to Atlanta two years ago if I would have stayed in an unhealthy relationship. My perspective shifted once I moved, and I thought that relationship was the best thing ever. I’m thankful God showed me the dysfunction in that relationship so I could leave it. God loves taking our 1/4 mindset and fills us with vision and hope giving us fresh perspective on our lives. Our views change when we begin to press into the Lord. He has something magnificent for each one of us. Sometimes we also see so little because we might be in a season of distractions, complacency, pain and/or grief. God understands them all, but doesn’t want us to remain there. 

When I finally stepped out in faith, I was able to be apart of the worship team at my church –a ministry that I longed to be apart of for years. I was also able to simply learn how I like to dress, or how to do my makeup. Or, learn that I actually love to wander around and take photos. Or even writing and realizing that I actually love it. 

I know these things might sound silly, but it’s the little things that have made my life so full. And each day I’m learning something new about who I am in Christ. God desires to teach each one of us who we are in Him. He’s serious about His daughters seeing their lives through His lens and not our own. 

When you finally take off the eyes of pain and trade them for eyes of joy (that can only be found in the Lord) and willing to just say yes, you will be able to see the beautiful life God has designed for you. 

There’s so many other things I could list but the last thing I’ll say is that I’m so grateful to be able to just enjoy this life and see so much. Have you ever just thought about going to that park you’ve been saying you wanted to go to? Or what about hanging out with that friend you’ve been wanting to hang with? There’s SO much for us this season and I think sometimes God wants to see what we can do with where we’ve been placed. 

It’s like He’s saying, “what are you going to do with what I’ve already given you?” He’s given each of us so much and there’s an invitation to access that boldly. 

The Word says that there’s NOTHING impossible for God. [Luke 1:37] And there CAN be true fulfillment even in your season of singleness. It’s possible. 

What will it take for you to start enjoying your single season? I asked that because I needed this question asked for myself. 

I can tell you right now that you can begin to truly enjoy this season when you first start with closing the gap between you and God. It all begins with your relationship with Jesus Christ. It’s in Him that we can truly live fully. [Acts 17:28] From that place of intimacy and walking with Jesus we get to rid ourselves from loneliness, pity-parties and the idea that we’re less than because we’re single. I challenge you to do something new this week. Whether that’s write that blog you’ve been wanting to write, going to a new place, etc. it’s all about perspective and gratitude for what we already have. And most importantly it’s about remaining close to Him, that’s how we as singles truly begin to see how freaking amazing our lives really are. 

 

With love,

 

 

Jasmine 

 

P.S. Here’s the video I mentioned up above. She speaks so much truth – I think it’s worth a listen.